Trust Issues

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“You”, she said
“Are like the twig I held on to
That snapped”

I was terrified,
And you- my only hope
The one that never leaves-

While I turned my head around
Felt a backstab
A pain that went roots deep

In my logic
We were but one mind and heart
Who poisoned your veins?

27.2.2024

Notes

When you grow accustomed to trust being shattered, you often find yourself scrutinizing those with genuine intentions towards you. The fear of disappointment from others becomes so ingrained that each stumble reinforces the belief that people are inherently untrustworthy. Yet, it’s essential to recognize that everyone is fallible, even those we hold dear, and we shouldn’t harshly judge them based on past betrayals. Distinguishing between those who betray our trust and those who are simply imperfect yet deserving of our trust becomes crucial.

I Will Fly

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I will fly
And build my nest upon Acacias high
Where I
Will nest my folk and tribe

I will try
To stay on track and I’ll aim high
And get by
All life’s unexpected trials

Tell me why
I have lived a pretty lie
For I
Am a lily in the desert place

I will not cry
But will glide up mountains high
I won’t be shy
For I can do all things by my Christ.

And when I die
Will be glad I lived not a lie
Like a  flutterby
My soul will dance upon the sky.

14.2.2024

Friend Ship

Friendship is sneaking fries
For your friend at lunch
When you know they can’t stand the menu

Friendship is making time
For your old campus friend
When you’re both stuck in different worlds

Friendship is sending cards
To your busy big sister
When you barely see each other for months

Friendship is practicing poetry
For your new poet friend
Just so you can share their language

Friendship is offering a helping hand
To your crush next door
When you know you just can’t have nor lose them

Friendship is carrying her photo to army training
To never forget her smile
To remember there’s people who need you alive

Friendship is drawing boundaries
To keep your married friend a friend
Even though you could have made better friends

Friendship is making fries
For your children after church
When you know it means the world to them

Friendship is keeping a secret
For your on-and-off friend
When all you can do is pray them up

Friendship is two sitting quietly
Buried in their boring work
Without judgment for procrastinating

18.1.24

Never Have I Ever

(Someone requested me to write about Marriage. Here we go! This is the poem I wrote prior to getting married, and I’ve never shared it with anyone. Enjoy!)

Never have I ever…
Felt this strongly for any man,
Or been awoken by the power of love,
As I have with you.
Never have I ever explored what fantasies I desire,
Or what to truly be touched with love really means
I have seen you, loved you, been around you
And right now I feel certain of my commitment to you,
To spend all my days with you,
To serve you and be loved by you
To give up all the suitors in the world, as you give up yours too, and to choose each other for a lifetime
I feel teary thinking of this,
For I have often feared the pain of being hurt by a lover,
I’ve been bruised and shuttered,
I have been misunderstood,
Yet I choose to be brave and to choose love
Saying no to fear-based emotion,
I open my hands to you,
And with them my life also, and my mind, and my heart, and my soul 😭
Never have I ever given up control, as I do intend to give you (on 16.12.22)

Liz Mish

Composed on 8.10.2022

The End

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My Love will be the death of me,
Because I love too fiercely, carelessly
I have given away myself
I have sold me off to my captor
And I cannot undo this sacrifice
And this I find to be a grave thing
But what can I do ?
If I’ve handed over the keys…
To my lifetime cell
So am convinced thus: that I will continue to burn
I will burn, in every possible way, every day
I will burn when I stare
And see that he’s imperfect
I will burn when his eyes stray
To those of another
I will burn for last year’s mistakes
For every future failing
And when I fully burn,
Twill be the end of me.

7.23

Are you troubled?

When I do overcome,
Only then shall this battle end,
Till then ’twill be tears and fears,
For fear- a living thing,
Will always haunt it’s prey.

To man is given,
Two glorious weapons,
One love, the other courage,
Love to shield,
Courage to pierce the foe.

There is but one end-
A victor and a victim,
Who entertains thoughts of fear?
They will certainly lose,
For courage concedes not defeat.

So when you do feel it-
That overwhelming fear,
Hold a friend’s hand for courage,
Think upon love,
In fact resist your enemy’s lure.

Kisses

I’ve been kissed and kissed,
First by nature’s main man called sun,
Then by life’s unpleasantness in turn,
One has given me the highs of a tan,
The other just proved to me that I can.

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I Choose You

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I love you.
So I’ll bind myself with these vows,
In front of the bishop,
And a crowd of witnesses and gossips,
To love and to cherish you,
Until death takes me home.
Not just on sunny days,
I want to stick around through your ugly days,
To share in sickness and in health.

Though it scares me to say,
I want to go into labor for you,
That I might birth your offspring.
Children with your very frame.
So when I say I love you,
I’m acknowledging your village folk,
Even when they throw skeptical glances my way,
I’ll still respect them.
Your mama and papa,
Who I haven’t already met-
I choose them too,
And I will put up with them,
Just for you.

And when I say it’s you,
I know you can not cook,
And that your sink is always full,
You never needed a dish rack,
You only wash when you have to cook,

I’ve seen the fruit flies in your kitchen,
And smelt the stench of your bathroom,
But I will still take you,
With your burping habit,
And reeking feet,
If I am choosing you,
I’ll take this mixed-up batch.

I have seen you praising Him,
Felt your brokenness in prayer,
Watched you spread kindness like confetti,
I have seen your smile,
And heard your contagious laugh,
I have seen you work,
You never quit till you succeed,
I have peeked at your strong arms,
With which you’ve lifted many,
And I want to trust them too.
To lift us up in prayer.

I’ve had dreams and goals,
And as I choose you,
I’ll ascribe to yours too,
To back you up in all you do,
And if all my life I be your slave,
My poison is you so I’ll take it.
When I say I love you,
Think of this- there is no shorter route.

It Could Kill You.

Nature is a love,
Vulnerable yet true,
Delicate like rose petals,
Rare like the sighting of a bat at daytime,
Or the night jar at at day break.

Nature is the brilliance of sunrise,
The magnificence of sunset,
It’s the gentle breeze on a hot summer,
And tender grass under a toddler’s tiny feet.

It’s the lover’s love –
One he sought for years,
Till one day it showed up,
Much like an eclipse –
It was there, it was true,
It was beautiful then did fade.

Nature is the angry tide,
That broke the sandy castle,
Ran down with wicked waves,
It’s the fault line lakes which broke banks,
Submerged the villagers’ villages,
Took their territories.

It’s a dreadful tsunami,
Which packs up homes, lives, cities,
Leaving an indelible mark,
As that of a wildfire,
Though it brought up good shoots,
For the gazelles to graze,
Still killed the slow serpents,
And beasts that couldn’t escape.

So nature is a love,
That burned, drowned,
Yet also warmed, and gave life,
And it will kill you,
If it so pleases.

05.2020

evoL

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I have an issue with how you handle issues,
Especially when they’re anthills made into mountains,
I’ve tread the ground of loving you for a while now,
And part of you was like walking on eggshells,
I have had for you a carefree love, a forgiving one,
One that remembers not all the heartaches,
One that buries mistakes,allows them lie with their father,
And I have chosen to put on love as an amour,
Against every flaw of yours, against every mistake.

But you…
Have you not handed your fears all control?
Have you not given them your very birth right?
They roam this palace which is you,
Giving orders here and there,
Stopping love and her witty projects,
Some am certain are here to stay.
You have let fear control,
There is no love in fear.

You’re afraid that you’ll become like him,
And I’ll become like her,
That you might suffer in solitude,
While I carry on alright.
Such selfish desires!
Are you not afraid that we’ll make a bad couple?
Are you not scared to death that you’ll be henpecked?
Because to you, a strong-willed woman is intimidating,
But do you want a weak woman in your life?
Do you want a slave, who waits for your orders,
What is it you really want?

You professed of my beauty,
Called me a rare find,
One that you’d never find in others,
But every time you feed your fears,
I feel you’re choosing them over love,
Over and over again, everyday, every now and then,
Giving in to our differences,
Like where our personalities collide,
And how your opinions feel forgone,
Are they certainly forgone?

So I sit and wait,
For the Lord to lead,
For I too have failed,
I’ve been unable to focus in this war,
I’ve begun to stagger in despair,
My heart keeps worrying,
And the confidence I have in us,
Dwindles like a drying lamp,
I don’t know love without Love,

Maker of the universe,
Won’t you speak to me too,
If we need to take time,
Please let me hear you I plead,
For I need less of this,
And more of your will revealed,
And if this may be for fading,
Like season into season,
Keep my heart yet prepared,
That I might not freeze in winter’s cold.

26.6.2020

A September Love

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When mornings grew chillier,
And the air grew mistier,
Grass blades had gathered dew,
And the short rains begun.

They met and quickly fell
In love ‘fore they could tell,
Words were said,
Promises new made.

To the mall they went,
To the cinema halls,
Merry were the days,
Cheery the chilly days.

And while the short rains lasted,
No they did not last,
Thus much their days of love,
Before the sun dried all.

25.9.2020

Let’s End It

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I feel ashamed for all the parts of me I let you see,
That our loss was feeding into fears and insecurities,
We never made it half way through,
These are only tiny steps we’ve taken here.
They say that hurt people hurt people,
I wanted to think that this is false,
But I’ve been hurt by all that happened here,
I pray that this won’t wound me and make me another –
Hurt person who hurts people

I wish I spent more on friendship,
That way we wouldn’t have come this far,
But sadly we have already come,
And we have hurt one another,
Because there’s parts of you I cannot read through,
And there’s parts of me you cannot comprehend,
And I wish we could exchange eyes for a few,
And see just how easy this could be solved.

I have played most of my cards,
At trying to reason with you,
I am not sure if yours are spent,
Or that you’re still insistent on me changing –
Things am not sure I know by name
You keep saying you’re working on yourself,
The more you do that the harder you make it for me,
I can’t seem to understand what’s going on
I am lost in this course.

We set love down back somewhere,
And I feel that it would have answered this,
Cause I know that love covers all,
And somehow we’ve become as strangers,
Who know nothing about the other,
Except for we’re not strangers,
We shouldn’t act like we are.

Let’s meet at the place we met last time,
Make it fast for the sake of my burning heart,
And when you arrive I will join you,
Please don’t bring food on that day,
Come with a handkerchief or two,
I’ll do the same,
And we will break this vicious cycle,
Of trying to make each other see what we’re about,
Of conflicting and crushing personalities,
We will end it at that very carpet,
We’ll cry our eyes out,
And then say our goodbyes,
To a love that expired before its time.