This is not a bad person – Just Drained

The eerie silence feels painful to my ears. I am lying awake on my bed, exhausted but restless. I can feel the transformation in my bones. The tag of war has become vicious and the zombie within is winning.
I wake up early every morning and drag myself to the same routine. Before my eyes are fully open, it’s dark again. The daily spice no longer tastes good to my tongue.
Madam comes in at work and starts issuing commands.
“Do this and drop the attitude,” she says.
Clients come in and roll their eyes at me. Mine are heavy and I cannot lift them high enough to roll back. I want to thank them and ask them to come again, but my throat feels patchy. So I manage to mumble a dry cough. The client sneers and walks away.

I want someone to appreciate me for once,
See the work that I am doing as enough,
I want to lie on the couch tomorrow,
And binge on my favorite show,

And when my left side is sour,
I want to turn to the other one like a door,
Unless the whole village lights on fire,
Let no one move me even if it’s dire.

I want to have peace of mind,
To have no one else nag,
I know I’m not the 19 year old girl working overseas,
Or the neighbor’s son who became a doctor.

So let me sleep in peace,
When I get up I’ll write a story,
Maybe pick up a book and savor it slowly

Try this and trust,
Tomorrow I’ll have nowhere to hide my smile,
My eyes shall glitter at your arrival,
You shall call out and I shall indeed be glad to come.

©Cera Moon | Wisdom of Living Blog

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